Was looking through old boxes and cds and random shit, not really sure what I was looking for really. BUT I did find a couple really cool things that took me way back. /nostalgia.
The first, The Killers “Hot Fuss” album, their first album, back from 2004. I used to listen to this whole CD on replay, every single song, over and over. Ffffffucking amazing.
THIS, is the other thing that stood out amongst my various trinkets, MORROWIND (The Elder Scrolls III).
I played the fuck out of this game when I was younger; everything about it made me feel so small, the murky swamps and muddy-brown vistas popped with melancholic wonder. An unbelievable gaming experience at the time for sure, wonderful story and some of the weirdest characters ever. :O
Why is it that I see things like this, and others, from my not-to-distant past, and long so badly to go back to those times? Were they really more simple? Is it just overblown nostalgia? What made those years, just before junior high and beyond, so wonderful to me?
My memory is patchy at best, missing little fine details here and there, clouded in perception maybe. But, I remember my group of friends at the time in junior high, they were all assholes. Most of them horny Mormon boys who were more sexually confused than I was. A couple of them actually nice to me when separated from their “teenage-guy-hive-mind”. I remember Christian Larson, nice kid. He prized his appearance over everything else in the world though, which I found strange for a 12 year old kid. We had a couple moments, sleepovers and weekends mostly, where we really bonded and connected on a deeper level than we did with most of the other kids. I miss that fucker sometimes.
I remember disliking that group of kids so much though, and what they stood for. They were like a naive chapter in my little life, a petty distraction at best. I’d soon find my true companions in the outcast, socially-rejected nerds who seemed so close-knit as a group I rather admired them.
I remember being invited to Abby Davis’ birthday party, for reasons I didn’t know at the time, but was later told that it was because she had a crush on me. And it was there I met some of the coolest people in my little world.
It was there, that day really, that started my friendships with Sarah, Wes, and Ffej.
I felt like such an outsider at first, quietly observing from afar, but they all admired me (from what I could tell). I was new in a fashion, humorous, personable, outgoing and according to some rather charming. I never felt this way, naw, I felt at home with these people. I felt like, I could know them and only them for the rest of my life and be okay with that. They got me. They just did.
So it’s really nice to look at my tiny, sometimes eventful past and see just *how* I got to where I am today.
See from the beginning how it all happened I suppose. I’ve listened to some amazing music in my life, met some wonderful and lovely friends, made enemies and lovers alike, lost my way more often than naught, and struggled to find my way all over again.
My life started in junior high I feel, I met people I still truly care about. I just wish I hadn’t lost most of them along the way. So, I have The Killers, Morrowind, Pokemon, Abby, Sarah, Ffej, and Wes to thank for getting me through all of it. I was just a confused kid, (hell I still am), connecting with other confused kids.
If anyone reading this has made it this far, remember that sometimes all we have are the people around us.
Don’t let them go.
Life’s far too short for it to be lived alone.
